PAIN & (MADRID’S) GAIN
It may have been a happy accident for Uefa, but opening the Bigger Cup playoffs with a game between the last two European champions was a boost for the new format and a treat for armchair fans everywhere. Fears that Manchester City and Real Madrid might keep things tight were forgotten once we got a look at the clown car parked in front of Ederson’s goal in the first 20 minutes. After Madrid had tried and failed to walk the ball into the net multiple times, City then took an unexpected lead through Jack Grealish’s cross, Erling Haaland’s forward run and clinical finish – all given a Guardiolan twist by left-back Josko Gvardiol popping up mid-move to chest the ball into Haaland’s path. The hosts held their lead until the half-time break, frustrating Carlo Ancelotti and intriguing Amazon Prime viewers in the UK who had pressed the wrong button while trying to watch Clarkson’s Farm.
At which point we’d like to introduce our new analytical software tool, the Expected Pain (xP) meter. Considering City could have been a few goals down instead of one goal up, the hosts were far outperforming their xP in the first half. That said, once you threw in a patched-up, existentially wounded home defence, City’s litany of prior mishaps in Big Cup and the fact they were playing Real Madrid, the Daily’s xP-meter began to spin and shake violently, making weird, pitiful bleeping noises before toppling on to its side. Kylian Mbappé soon served up an equaliser straight from Sky’s summertime Masters football era, completely mishitting his volley but somehow shinning the ball into the net. Flukey or not, it was the inevitable result of handing Mbappé, Vinícius Júnior and Rodrygo almost unlimited chances, while home fans held up a banner reminding the visitors that City’s best player was watching from the sidelines.
The next key variable to feed into the xP-meter: hope. It arrived for Pep Guardiola 10 minutes from time when Phil Foden’s whirring legs proved too tricky for Dani Ceballos, who conceded a penalty. Haaland dispatched it and suddenly City were in danger of emerging from this bruising tussle with a first-leg lead. Hope had arrived at the Etihad; more specifically, the type that kills you. How would a beleaguered City defence – unable to hold a lead against PSG, Manchester United, Feyenoord, Brentford and co – cope against the world’s most ruthless sporting outfit? Not well. First, Ederson padded the ball out to substitute Brahim Díaz, who offered an unnecessary non-celebration against the club he left in 2019, after five senior appearances.
Despite losing the lead twice, the hosts were eager to shake hands on the result – but this is Big(ger) Cup and Real Madrid, who have inflicted body blows on far tougher City sides than this. There was a grim inevitability to Real’s third goal, from Mateo Kovacic’s wonky pass to the exceptional Vinícius nicking the ball from Rico Lewis, to lifting the ball into the path of Madrid’s master of late goals, Jude Bellingham. It gives Real Madrid a one-goal advantage heading back to the Bernabéu, which is a bit like saying Churchill " target="_blank" class="link"> took his chances in the second world war. This was another uppercut to City’s self belief, and another armour plate bolted on to Madrid’s psyche. The positives for Guardiola? The tie is still alive, despite xG suggesting Madrid should have won by more. On the other hand, though, City’s Expected Pain in Bigger Cup remains the same.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Niall McVeigh from 7.30pm GMT for hot Premier League MBM coverage of Everton 0-0 Liverpool, while Will Unwin will be on deck at 8pm for Bigger Cup updates from Celtic 1-3 Bayern Munich.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“This is a dark day for parks. It’s beyond us why Enfield council is prepared to give away a beautiful public park to a wealthy private company for peanuts. They are supposed to be the custodians of public rights over the park. It has served the residents of Enfield for over 90 years. Now it’s gone for ever” – Alice Roberts, of the countryside charity CPRE London, condemns the decision to approve controversial plans for Tottenham Women’s academy to be built on public green space and a rewilded golf course in north London.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
I read yesterday’s Football Daily about Marcelinho managing two clubs, fully expecting a reference to how Fabian Hürzeler, Lewis Young and Alan Julian have been doing this at the same time in England this season, only to be disappointed. I suppose my question is: has Football Daily changed or have I?” – Ed Taylor.
What a delight it was to see Plymouth Argyle knock Liverpool out of the FA Cup. Five years ago I was at the Meadow to see Shrewsbury draw 2-2 with Liverpool, only to find that the Shrews would not benefit from live TV broadcasting income: Jürgen Klopp announced immediately after the match that his first-team squad were off for their winter break, and that youngsters would contest the replay, so no one was interested in broadcasting the match. Liverpool won the replay 1-0 through a freak own goal after Shrewsbury had had a goal chalked off by a dubious VAR decision. Shrewsbury complained to the FA that Liverpool had breached the rules of the competition by not fielding their strongest side, but of course the FA did nothing. And so here we are. Words like ‘hubris’, ‘comeuppance’, and ‘karma’ come to mind. What a pity Klopp wasn’t there to witness it” – James Wilkinson.
To add to the recent correspondence regarding length of allegiance to a club (Football Daily letters passim). My father was a devoted Spurs fan, and he and my mother reached an agreement that he wasn’t to take my three brothers and I to White Hart Lane until after our respective fifth birthdays. As I am now 83 this means I have suffered the absolute highs and some gut-wrenching lows familiar to most supporters for 78 years. I am exceeded by only remaining brother who clocks up 86. I am in the middle of one of the lows at present, as you can imagine, but my blood still runs navy blue and white or whatever colour Mr Levy decides will boost shirt sales. Speaking of Levy and the current woes, it seems to me that he has employed as many managers as my years of allegiance, oh for the glorious days of Arthur Rowe and the immortal Bill Nicholson” – Stewart McGuinness.
Alexandra Topping (Monday’s Still Want More, full email edition) reminded me of my own memory of Goodison Park. In about 1976, I was a member of the Salford and Eccles Referees’ Society, which organised an after-work bus trip (booze-up) to Goodison. After enjoying the pleasures of the social club bar we were invited to the pitch. They didn’t turn on the floodlights but through the gloom I could make out a colleague standing on the centre spot. Then came the unmistakable sound of him getting rid of a few pints. He later refereed at the top level. I often wondered if he marked his territory on all the grounds where he officiated” – David Glanz.
Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our letter o’ the day is … David Glanz, who gets a copy of David Squires’s brilliant new book: Chaos in the Box. We have more copies to give away this week but if you’re not lucky enough to win one you can order your own in the Guardian Bookshop. There are loads of other great tomes waiting to be added to your basket, too, so get shopping! Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
The Football Weekly podcast is back to pick over all the latest action.
HUEL FOR THOUGHT
Struggling for a book title? How about snaffling inspiration from the play made indirectly about you, as Sir Gareth Southgate has presumably done with his upcoming tome, Dear England: Lessons on Leadership. Badged by the press release as “the first book by Gareth Southgate since stepping down as England manager”, Southgate is due to reveal a load of high performance bon mots about decision-making. “Coaching top players and playing against some of the best teams in the world pushed me to operate at the highest level in football,” he tooted. “Rather than write a memoir of those times I decided to share my experiences in a different way, through the lens of leadership which I hope will provide lessons for anyone who wants to discover their own authentic style.”
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Old Trafford latest: Big Sir Jim Ratcliffe believes his decision to cut about 200 more jobs at Manchester United is necessary to help the club avoid going bust.
In what feels like it would be performance-art levels of fanbase trolling, Daniel Levy could be given the chance to stay on at Tottenham by a Qatari consortium seeking to buy the club.
Premier League suits have asked clubs for expanded investigatory powers, including the right to access club premises, as part of new financial rules.
Kai Havertz is set to miss the rest of the season with hamstring-twang, leaving Arsenal without a recognised centre-forward.
Brendan Rodgers wants Bayern to experience “hurt” at Celtic Park after taking pride in his team’s European improvement. “What is important for us is that we’re very much alive in the tie going over to Germany,” he roared.
Hopeless in the Bundesliga, Dortmund still look last-16-bound in Bigger Cup after a 3-0 playoff win at Sporting. So do PSG, themselves 3-0 victors at Brest, while Juve have the first-leg edge on PSV after a 2-1 victory. “I think it’s a shame,” sighed PSV boss – and nominative determinism king – Peter Bosz. “I didn’t think it was necessary to lose … It’s a top match and these kinds of game usually turn on small details. And we came up short on two or three of them.”
Nottingham Forest are through to round five of the FA Cup, but only after being taken all the way to 11.04pm and penalties by 10-man Exeter City.
And Leeds remain relentless in their pursuit of a Premier League return, whipping Watford 4-0 at Vicarage Road. “The fourth goal was poetry in motion I would say,” recited Daniel Farke. “The individual performance of the players up front was of the top level. The way we scored the goals was fantastic.”
STILL WANT MORE?
As any woman in the back of a locked taxi knows, Sam Kerr should never have been brought to court. By Suzanne Wrack.
Barney Ronay extols the virtues of Total Haaland, even if Carlo Ancelotti ultimately outsmarted Manchester City.
Sid Lowe brings the bad news for City: Real Madrid are Real Madrid again.
To get us in the mood for Celtic’s date with Bayern, Ewan Murray documents the German giants’ experiences of fitba down the years.
“I hate boring football”: Monaco boss Adi Hütter gets his chat on with Luke Entwistle about his philosophy.
This week’s tremendous Knowledge is all about the football tables with the most artistic merit. Hang them in the Louvre!
And John Duerden reports on the latest “dagger to the heart” handed out to football in Pakistan by Fifa.
MOVING THE GOALPOSTS
The latest edition of our sister newsletter is out now. Get a taste with this extract by Suzanne Wrack about the fallout from the Mapi León incident and why it shows women’s football needs to protect its players.
MEMORY LANE
Hard to believe it’s eight years since the Wayne Shaw pie farrago at Sutton United, but he was far from the first goalkeeper to get his gums around some carbs in public. We go back to Munich in May 2004, where Bayern keeper Oliver Kahn takes a chunk out of the Kahn-Burger (two patties with hot chilli sauce, since you ask) after signing " target="_blank" class="link"> an advertising deal with Burger King.
