MERSEY MAYHEM
As assorted boots, fists, water bottles, yellow and red cards, a policeman’s helmet and various expletives not suitable for a family football email emerged from a cartoon cloud of dust soundtracked by a baying mob in one corner of Goodison Park moments after the final whistle of Wednesday’s Merseyside derby, TNT Sports co-commentator Rio Ferdinand sounded very morose. “Nobody wants to see this,” he mournfully intoned, providing a level of insight into the human condition and fan culture that really ought to preclude him from ever being handsomely paid to enhance the TV viewer’s experience of what’s happening on a football pitch again. Needless to say, Football Daily is of the opinion that Rio enjoys a heated post-match stramash as much as the next football fan and was probably only saying what he thought his bosses would want to hear. The same bosses, presumably, who quickly posted an almost four-minute long clip of these “scenes nobody wants to see” on their YouTube channel, because they knew perfectly well that everybody who hadn’t been watching them unfold in real time would be desperate to watch them later.
Following an evening of vigorous, uncompromising thud and blunder in the last ever Merseyside derby to be staged at Goodison Park, the spoils were shared when the Clampetts of Everton dragged their more highfalutin neighbours down to their level and drew 2-2 through a combination of experience and a late, late James Tarkowski strike that was violently leathered past Alisson and threatened to rip the net clean off its moorings in the eighth of five minutes of added time. Cue pandemonium that included, but was not restricted to, widespread “limbs”, “scenes” and a pitch invasion in the corner of the ground where Tarkowski, his teammates and a triumphant corner flag-waving fan led celebrations that had spilled over from the Gwladys Street End. It would have taken an extremely brave referee to chalk off the home side’s equaliser but despite the best attempts of the Stockley Park curtain-twitchers located in comparative safety 212 miles away, they could find no reason to imperil Michael Oliver and the goal was allowed to stand. On a landmark night in the history of Merseyside derbies it was almost certainly the right decision, even if Liverpool’s manager, players and fans were almost unanimous – and quite possibly correct – in their insistence that it was almost certainly the wrong decision.
Following the entertaining post-match melee that prompted Rio to clutch his pearls like a Victorian dowager and retreat to his designated fainting couch, Abdoulaye Doucouré and Curtis Jones were given their marching orders after instigating a brawl, the former incurring the latter’s wrath by enthusiastically goading the Liverpool fans assembled into the away end. Along with his assistant, Arne Slot was also shown a red for comments he made to Michael Oliver. Having had a number well and truly done on him by his wily counterpart in the adjacent technical area, the hitherto unflappable Dutchman must now serve a touchline ban for using “offensive, insulting or abusive language”. Sadly, his dismissal meant Slot wasn’t allowed to attend post-match media duties, so we didn’t get to listen to his views on the travesty of footballing justice he felt had just unfolded. On the plus side, given the laissez-faire attitude towards effing and jeffing on live television to which he will have long been accustomed as a native of the Netherlands, TNT viewers of a nervous disposition were at least spared the kind of profanity that “nobody” likes to hear.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
It’s Bigger Vase’s playoff round (plus Tin Pot’s too!) so join Rob Smyth from 7.30pm GMT for clockwatch updates on all the action.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“[We] would like to apologise to the club’s fans and supporters, and to the fans of football for the post-match incident involving our U-21 player. The club had met with the team manager, coaches and players of the U-21 team to review the incident. After careful consideration, the club has decided to terminate [their] contract with immediate effect” – Tanjong Pagar United sack Aniq Rizqin after he ran on and punched two Albirex Niigata players at a Singapore Premier League under-21 game. Rizqin was subsequently arrested.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Whisper it, but did VAR have a pretty decent night at Goodison? It correctly allowed the marvellous James Tarkowski goal to stand. And the delay in adjudication certainly helped build the atmosphere. Heck, I’ll even give VAR credit for the handbags and sh!thousery that followed. Well done, VAR” – Mike Wilner.
Further to reflections on the length of club allegiance (Football Daily letters passim), on Saturday I am taking my five-year-old grandson to his first match, Reading v Rotherham … leading to accusations of mistreatment from several friends. I’m hoping it will lead to lifelong support for Reading. Although sadly I would settle for the club still being in existence next season” – Alan Giles.
Love the new xP metric (yesterday’s Football Daily). But isn’t it just a reformulation of the TFB (Tortured Fan Base) metric? TFB clubs always have the highest xP, regardless of recent results. The xP and TFB are not constant as Manchester United and Spurs prove (as xP can be always 0.00 during the Fergie years but growing since, while Spurs range between 0.2 and 0.7). You don’t mention the value range of xP (0.00 – 1.00 like xG?), but it’s easy to think of it as xG = TFB/100” – David Cavallo.
I had to double take on yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs (full email edition) when reading that ‘Kai Havertz is set to miss the rest of the season with hamstring-twang, leaving Arsenal without a recognised centre forward’. This would suggest that Arsenal had a recognised centre forward prior to Kai Havertz suffering hamstring-twang” – Mike Wrall (and others).
Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our letter o’ the day is … David Cavallo, who gets a copy of David Squires’s brilliant new book: Chaos in the Box. We have more copies to give away this week but if you’re not lucky enough to win one you can order your own in the Guardian Bookshop. There are loads of other great tomes waiting to be added to your basket, too, so get shopping! Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
